Hey, I need to tell you something and it's gonna hurt a little bit. Are you ready? Ok, here I go: You are not special and you've never been. Your mother thinks you are, and you also think you are and that you do things that no one else does but it is not entirely true. Here you have a list of fifty things that you believe you are the only person in this world who does them, but they are actually in our genes. Don't worry, your mom will continue believing that you are his special little thing. Enjoy this fifty funny things you usually do if you were born human. Take a look at these things everyone does but won't never admit
PRETENDING THAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT SOMETHING ELSE
You are at the grocery and someone else is looking at the exact same bag of chips you need to buy and he is taking forever, but you don't want to look like a freak, so you pretend you are looking at something else.
SAVE THE CHANGE
That moment when the cashier gives you the change and you have an anxiety attack 'cause you feel like the entire world is looking at you while you put it in your wallet.
DON’T TRUST ANYONE
When it comes to finding the remote, no one deserves your trust and you become the bad policeman. "I know you know where it is. Speak up, you bastard. Stand up right now"
THINKING TOO MUCH
You've been two hours buying like a million dollars in stuff you don't need in Amazon, but when it comes to choosing the right shipping, you doubt and start sweating like a fake witness.
SHOULD I SAY HELLO?
That awkward face you make when you walk past someone at the street that you know but not enough and you really don't know if that person remembers who you are.
SPYING OTHER PEOPLE’S PHONES
I'm not sure if this is a crime but everyone has done it. You are sitting next to someone in the bus or in a waiting room and… it's there, calling you, saying "Hey, look. I'm a stranger's phone. Take a look at me".
AND YOU WANT TO GIVE AN ADVICE
And you bite your nails reading that conversation between two or more strangers and you want to give your opinion about the dress that Cindy wants to buy but you don't want to end up in jail.
LEAVING A STORE
When you enter a shop and you want to leave without buying anything and in your mind everyone is thinking that you are a shoplifter, so you start worrying and that's even more suspicious.
Stalking the Instagram feed of someone you really don't know, then his sister, then her boyfriend, then his dad, his boss, her personal trainer, his mother and next thing you know you are stalking Martha Stewart.
CAN’T DELETE PHOTOS
You need to clear space in your phone but you can't delete any photos. Like, I can't delete this photo of me holding a beer at some random place, I may need it someday, you never know.
TURN DOWN THE RADIO
That moment when you need to look closely at the road, or you are looking for a free spot to park and you need to lower down your stereo's volume.
DON’T CLOSE YOUR EYES
You close your eyes while you are washing your hair in the shower but then you must open them immediately cause you feel that a demon or the ghost of Christmas past is looking at you.
REPEATING THE SAME SONG
You play a song but then forget you are listening to it and when it is almost over, you realize that you haven't paid attention, so you need to repeat it. And then the same thing happens.
When someone you don't want to talk to won't stop calling you and you need him to stop because you are playing Candy Crush and you are going to lose your turn.
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT
You lay down, look at your phone and start calculating how much time you will be able to sleep: "If I sleep now I will have exactly six hours, twenty minutes and forty five seconds".
EVERY SINGLE MORNING
And when those six hours, twenty minutes and forty five seconds pass, the alarm rings and you wake up, you sit on the bed for a few minutes looking like this.
ONE MORE EPISODE
When you try to fit the next fifty minutes episode in those five minutes you've got left before going out. That's not going to work at all, pal. Give up.
You are in an exam and use the calculator to verify the result, even if the question is "How much is 2 + 2?" Or "What is the capital of Mississippi?"
How many nutrients does the paper have? I'm sure I've already eaten them all, because there was not a single time I ate candy or chewing gum and did not come with a whole sheet of paper.
PRETEND IT IS YOUR PARTY
When you go to a wedding, a birthday, a leaving party or even a funeral, you imagine that it is yours, and sometimes you get lost in that thoughts when people is talking to you.
YOU GET SAD ON PURPOSE
You are listening to a sad song on the bus and you lean your head on the window and stare at the outside lipsynching, imagining you are at an Avril Lavigne's music video.
Thinking all the time about an embarrassing thing you did in High School and feeling ashamed, even though you are now 45 years old and you have a son and two grandkids.
WHEN THE REMOTE DOESN’T WORK
When the remote doesn't work you probably shake it, whack it, rub the batteries, blow inside it, open it up, closing it, press the buttons harder but you never stand up.
You stay up late practicing conversations that you will probably never have with people that maybe you don't even know. And if the opportunity finally ends up happening, you stay quiet.
PRETEND YOU ARE LOOKING AT YOUR CELLPHONE
Cell phones had become a big escape gate for all of us that feel a little bit awkward when we are alone at a social gathering or a public place.
OPENING YOUR FRIDGE
Opening your fridge every two minutes and always forget what you were looking for. Most of the times you weren't even looking for anything, you are just bored and lonely.
LICKING YOUR LIPS
Licking your lips every time someone talks about dry lips, lipsticks and lips in general, like you probably just did when you read this sentence. It's like a magic trick.
SOMEONE ELSE IS IN THE SHOWER
That face you make when you are going to take a shower and you get unjustly mad because someone else is in there though you've been saying that you were going to shower for the last three hours.
THE PERFECT SHOW
You refuse to eat until you find the perfect TV Show or movie, and when you decide what you are going to watch, you hate it but now it is too late to change.
WATCHING A MOVIE?
You've been scrolling Netflix for hours deciding what to watch and when you finally do it, you spend most of the movie googling things about the actors and useless random facts.
You run down the stairs after you turn off the lights because you are a hundred percent sure that you are going the be murdered by something that hides in the dark.
You turn on the TV, the radio, put on some music and sing when you are home alone because you are definitely going to be murdered and that will prevent it, for some reason.
SETTING THE ALARM CLOCK
You set several alarms five minutes apart to make extremely sure that you wake up, but you end up pressing the snooze button each time and fall asleep again till noon.
You sing your heart out with your headphones on and then you take them off to know how bad your pitch is. Don't stop till you get to The X Factor.
You see someone young and rich on the TV and start calculating how many years do you have to be as successful and how many many you need to make monthly, daily and hourly.
You do the impossible to get the remote, or the food, or the phone without moving from the couch, stretching yourself in a way you look like you are practicing yoga.
WALKING BEHIND SOMEONE
You get really anxious when you walk behind someone in the streets at night, and try to make some noises so the other person don't think you are following.
WHY DO YOU EXIST?
You think that you are in this world because your parents had sex at least once and then you can't take that image off your head. Sorry if I made you think about that.
AM I REAL?
You are walking down the street and you begin to think: Am I real? Is this world real? We are animals that walk and think, and talk, and can make huge buildings. Isn't that fascinating?
IN A MOVIE
You are walking down the street at night and every sound makes you shiver. You also begin to think that someone is following so you walk faster and faster and even begin to run.
FORGET ABOUT THAT MOVIE
You are alone at your apartment and you have the brilliant idea of watching a horror movie and when it ends you automatically switch to a light-hearted movie to avoid the nightmares.
Other people's groceries are starting to accumulate in the counter and you begin to rush and get anxious and think you are the slowest packer ever. Maybe she is the fastest cashier in the world, don't worry.
YOU DON’T LISTEN
You smile and assent even when you didn't hear what the other person said because you asked him to repeat it three times and a fourth is not in your plans.
Whenever you need to think about something that happened in the nineties, you automatically think that it was ten years ago. Sit down, Brenda, we need to talk about something.
When you need to send an email you read it a thousand times and then a few more times after pressing "Send". And then you check the outbox to see if it's there. And you read it again.
WHEN YOU ARE TALKING ON THE PHONE
Whenever someone calls you and you are at your house you start walking around every room, drawing in every notebook you can find and playing with every object you run into.
You get lost in your thoughts while you are reading and start mumbling about things you don't know and you actually don't care and then you realize that you haven't been paying attention for three chapters.
LIKE A BIG TOASTY CINNAMON BUN
You enjoy turning on the fan or the air conditioner (why not both?) when it's like 4000 degrees and then covering yourself in as many covers as you can find.
Sometimes you feel the need to check again if you have magical powers. The last time you checked you didn't have any, but something could change. Maybe is an age thing or something.
You often feel your phone vibrating when you have it on your pocket but then when you check it is nothing. It is not a problem and you are not insane, unless you also hear your phone ring. Nah, just kidding.